i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
