The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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