If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
