I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
