I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
