So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
