Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
