oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
