Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
