Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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