Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
