I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
