I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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