i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
