He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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