I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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