shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
