I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
