Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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