yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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