YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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