i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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