dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
