so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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