Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He better not be in your backpack
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
