if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
