I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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