Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
