he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
