Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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