Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i believe in u and ur pee
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
