after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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