Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize