i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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