do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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