My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
