I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
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