i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
