I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
