im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Duck Duck Cougar?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize