Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Too much gin, very little bucket
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
