ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
