I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize