Im at strip club and am horny
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
