found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
