You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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