people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
