thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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