Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
