: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
