Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
