I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
