fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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