1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize