we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
