3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
