On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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