My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize