And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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