Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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