It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
