What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
