He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
