My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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