The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
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My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
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So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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