The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
