Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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