I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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