saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
