I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Come on in and take your pants off
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