Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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